My sweet baby is finally sleeping through the night and my body has decided I don’t need to.
It’s not caffeine.
I think it’s sadness over my dad’s cancer comeback. I’ve been unable to process it and unsure how to handle it.
I’ve been working out at the gym hard and I’m so stiff – but I don’t know if it’s working. It’s so hard to deal with feelings surrounding mortality. Especially with parents. Especially now being a parent.
I think I’m going to go ask my husband to give me a back rub. That usually works.
I think a part of me is also a bit bored shitless at home with the baby all day. Yes, we get out and about – to the gym – to see friends. But there is a big piece of me that misses being JUST MERE. I would not trade Chloe in or anything like that. I’m just feeling a bit melancholy for the loss of spontaneity.
In the same breath it breaks my heart and excites me simultaneously to watch Chloe learn and grow and develop. It seems like she was born only yesterday but now is giggling and sitting and developing her own unique personality.
I think this is Motherhood.