Again, the Photo Credit at the top. *sigh* – thank god I’m type F and can let that go.
The quote above is something of a low constant hum that I’ve found present in most Mom conversations that I have had. Including those conversations I’ve had with myself.
I talked a little bit about the information overload we are faced with thanks to smart phones and the google machine at our finger tips.
The messages that Mom’s receive today are not only mixed but delivered with a dollop of fear. Which inspires uncertainty, guilt and self doubt. “If I don’t do x y z – I’m a Bad Mom and I may harm or disadvantage my child”
I literally had a Bad Mom. So even when I catch myself calling myself a Bad Mom or when I hear my beautiful Mom Friends call themselves Bad Moms, even in passing, it breaks my heart a little bit. 💔. Because we are not Bad Moms. We are GREAT Moms that LOVE our littles to the moon and back and to the depth of the deepest ocean. Why are we selling ourselves short?
This chart came to me when I was searching Pinterest for tips on dealing with Mom Guilt. As you know by now – I’m a fan of professional help – so I’m trying to use some of my tools in my emotional toolbox to kick Mom Guilt to the curb.
Here is my PLAN:
- What is it that has caused me to feel guilt?
- What resource tells me that I should feel guilty?
- Is the reason I’m feeling guilty causing harm / detriment to my daughter?
- Is the reason I’m feeling guilty causing harm / detriment to my relationship with my Husband?
- Is the reason I’m feeling guilty causing harm / detriment to anyone else?
- If the answer is yes – OK let’s deal with that –
- If the answer is no – I take three deep breaths, close my eyes and move on.
- If that doesn’t work I write down all of the things that I am feeling guilty about and then delete the document.
The negative self talk is more damaging, in my experience (with the good old eating disorder). Why? Because if you keep saying it – you are at risk of eventually believing it to be true. Which is sad.
This is my sweet baby that I have managed to keep alive for 3 months. We do not manage to do Tummy Time every day, but we do most days – which I’ve decided to be OK with. She usually sleeps one nap per day in her car seat while I’m working out. I’ve decided to let the guilt go for that too. We have a housekeeper even though I’m on Mat Leave. Thank god for that.
Here is what we do awesomely:
- My Husband has supported me 100% every day of this journey. He has stuck up for me when facing criticism. We parent together and it is awesome.
- We read stories. We smile at each other. We have snuggles. I do her nails. We coo at each other and have little dance parties.
- We cover the obvious basics – Food : Change : Shelter : Sleep
- We have a poop 💩 song and it’s Push It from Salt n Peppa.