More Learning and the Journey (not the band…ew)

Hi!

I am hyper posting lately.   However, as I’m not a really a structured individual, I don’t care.

I was just TOO excited to share my acquaintance’s wicked Blog with you:

THE ME ADVENTURE

I love everything about this blog.  The title, the experience, the courage that she has had to take the reins of her life and live to the absolute fullest.   She is inspiring.   She is also a real, funny, talented, successful woman, who I have the pleasure of knowing.

Yesterday’s counselling session with sweet Husband Bear was really awesome.  We had a “breakthrough” if you will.   It’s astonishing how much you can learn about yourself through guided self exploration.

Anyway – it was pick on Meredith day.   I say that tongue in cheek – you’ll get it in just a moment:

I learned that Fear, is incapacitating me, rendering me incapable of life.   What, you say?

I am so afraid that Bear will leave me, because I’m a bad wife, I am messy, I suck at finances, blah blah blah – that I just shut down – or act out – depending on the day.   I get so emotional that it’s near impossible for me to be rational or objective.

Courage

photo credit

So, what happens is, I turn into Chicken Little (thanks Nandini, solid description of me 🙂 ) and I start to work myself into a panic that the sky, is indeed, falling.   Whatever relevant issue Husband Bear has brought up to be dealt with, gets tossed aside to deal with my very real, though largely imagined crisis.   Bear ends up being the snuggly supportive Husband Bear and our issue is never dealt with.  That doesn’t mean that the issue has gone away, it’s simply in storage for “a better time”.

So what happens if there is never a better time?  You end up in counselling because you realize, although you love the shit out of eachother, you can’t even communicate at all.   Yikes.

This is a breakthrough for me because I’m a pretty good victim, although I claim otherwise.   I don’t have Shitty Life Syndrome (largely common in my line of work) – but as Hanita pointed out, when it comes to my relationship, I just roll over and play dead.  I don’t even try.  I just crybaby it and assume that it’s over.

SHIT!  This is awful!  But totally turnaroundable.

My homework is to:

  1. Think of things that I have done, despite being scared shitless.
  2. When I’m feeling scared do some of the personal counselling homework (that cognitive thought therapy stuff…)

I feel embarrassed, but totally empowered at the same time!

Lately, I’ve been like, FUCK ME, this life has to change.   I can’t believe how miserable I am when I’m feeling miserable.   Like “ew” –  I wasn’t doing anything about it.   Over the past two weeks, I’ve started to do something about it.  I’ve started to think about what would make me happy, and what is holding me back.

I find the ME ADVENTURE blog to be so inspiring because like us all, she jumped in and embraced life to the fullest.

I’m not under the impression that I’m going to have a perfect, always happy life.   I know that it wont be, I want it, but who wouldn’t.   I AM going to spend some time doing things that will make me happy on the inside of my scramble egg brain and out 🙂

That’s it folks.

No photos, just all of the words!

xo
Merebear

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